I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
