ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
