my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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