I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
