My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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