I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
