what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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