Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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