you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
