Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
