because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
