That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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