Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
