I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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