we have pet lesbian snakes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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