first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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