i just had sex bonerless
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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