Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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