and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
