billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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