I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
