Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
