I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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