I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
