Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
