I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
