my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
