Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
