you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
