oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
