We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
