So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
