and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
