we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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