I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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