operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
