She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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