It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
