Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
