Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
