I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
