I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?