i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.