I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
smell my finger.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
