my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
two words: eviction party
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.