He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
