guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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