I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
