I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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