Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
