we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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