he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
