Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
