Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
