my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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