FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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