I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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