I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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