DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
