I faked an abortion last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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