I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize