I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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