yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
