I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
