So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
