He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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