You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
