At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
