I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
