I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am available for nakedness
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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