How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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