thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
is it fun? or sober?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
