Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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