Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
