so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
