does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
